Kinky Cameron, Dirty Blair and Beastly Bush

cameron and pig

David Cameron put ‘private part’ in dead pig’s mouth, shock biography claims.

I not trying to defend PM Cameron, but I think things should be kept in perspective. Let me share with you a secret, involving pigs, I have lived with since 2005. It happened when President Bush and PM Blair were at the G-8 Summet in Scotland.

I worked as a farmhand then, tending to the pigs of the Gleneagles Estate. I was told to keep all the pigs in the adjoining field so that the delegates would not be disturbed. Apart from one, I had rounded all other pigs. It took me a while but I found it as well. It was my favorite sow, called Josie. She was still on the Gleneagles side, and had her head stuck in a hole in the fence. Josie was wriggling to  escape.  Before I could free her, I noticed Bush and Blair walking in my direction. Bush was talking in whispers, Blair nodding and smiling. They were surrounded by secret service agents. I was behind a bush, in a small ditch. Not wanting to be arrested, I hid myself.

President Bush saw my Josie. He stopped a few yards away and told the Secret Service men to leave him alone. After the agents left, Bush moved towards Josie.

As god is my witness, what I am about to tell you is exactly what happened. Pigs are much clever then most people believe, they can sense danger. Josie tried desperately to free herself.

Bush said to Blair, ‘Aren’t Scottish pigs lovely?’

‘We have one on the spit, should be roasted by the time we get back,’ Blair replied .

‘No I mean, they are really hot, like this?’ Bush said.

‘How so, sir?’ Blair asked.

‘I mean when they have their head stuck and they move their back sides from side to side, ooh.’

‘Yes, Sir.’

‘Is there anything hotter than this in Scotland?’ Bush said.

I am ashamed to have to write these words down, but Bush opened his zip and moved closer to  Josie. And then he placed both his hands on her back.

Blair put one of his hands across his eyes, but kept his fingers apart as Bush did the unmentionable. President Bush made so much noise all the pigs in the adjoining field ran helter-skelter. And Josie cried out but Bush just continued. After an eternity, he let out a huge roar and stopped. Zipping himself up he turned to Blair and said, ‘You’re turn.’

Blair leaned towards Josie, and replied, ‘Sorry sir, I can’t get my head through that hole.’

Just then Josie lifted her hind legs and kicked Blair hard in the face. Bush was about to flee when he saw Josie’s friends charging towards him.

————————————–END

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